Beginner's inner dialogue of self-doubt:
"I want to train. But I am worried that I won't last long. I tend to be lazy and leave things that challenge me. I like the comfort zone that I have created. I am not used to such a long-term commitment. And I am afraid that I will fail myself and my family."
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Response from Sensei Norcross:
I thought all of those feelings as well. Thank goodness I didn't give much attention to that younger, doubtful voice.
I think that "being afraid" is our conscience manifesting itself as the 'inner child' in all of us. We are afraid to disappoint those whom we love. When we start and then quit something (or even someone), we can sometimes hide our failure from family and friends. But we cannot lie to ourselves. We know when we fail the person in the mirror. Remember, our "self" will always be the most difficult opponent that we will ever face.
When we begin any new endeavor, such as martial arts, and our friends and family become aware of it, we, of course, want them to support us. We hope that everybody will acknowledge and bless our journey. The little kid in us still wants to be seen and accepted. This is normal human behavior. We have evolved to want to be a productive part of the greater group. If we contribute to society and accomplish our goals, we are socially embraced as important members of the clan. Conversely, if we consistently lie, fail, and quit everything that we start, we are eventually ostracized by family and friends - and secretly viewed as either unreliable or even worse, untrustworthy.
Respect among family and peers is not quickly earned.
In joining the Martial Arts, a common goal of each new practitioner is to seek out (and train to become) the hero/heroine that he/she has always longed to be. We unconsciously wish to mimic the omniscient, omnipotent archetype who inspired us all when we were young. Most of these archetypes first caught our attention through literature, art or mythology. Training in the martial arts allows us to engage our inner warrior and unleash our own potential to serve others. It is a noble and, in my opinion, necessary motive in this hectic world.
If we are being honest, we are engaging in fantasy fighting just long enough to actually punch free and become that warrior. We want to be confident enough in who we are to take care of others. We want to strive to be better people; in order to let go of that shy kid from our childhood who just wants to curl up and quit.
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To those who wish to seriously begin the never-ending journey towards self-mastery.
First of all, there is no such thing as mastery. A 'master' is just a fool with delusions of grandeur. When you assume you have mastered something, you are no longer open to learning. Mastery will never be attained. It will always be just out of reach.
Know that up front - but please continue to chase it, forever.
I began my journey in Martial Arts when I was eight years old. That was forty years ago.
So much has changed, but my study and passion to get good at the Martial Arts have never abated. I have never been a master, although many now call me by that misnomer.
Much of the success in my journey was due to the support I received from my family and friends. Yes, I was scared and afraid to move a thousand miles away from my home on the East Coast to train with my teachers, but I was determined to find those who could help me discover the hero that I always wanted to become. I still have not found my full "inner hero", but I have seen his face show up in times of crisis over the years - once or twice.
The Martial Arts have never failed me. They have never left me down or lonely. They have protected my family and me for decades. They were always the mountain on which I stood. To this peaceful and life-balancing path, I owe everything.
In the foreseeable future, I will teach whoever desires to learn. And I will probably make many mistakes as a teacher. Perhaps we can both keep learning together?
If you want this training badly enough, nothing and no one will ever stop you from finding that train that takes you to the dojo. Others will either get on board with your dedication or drift away towards their own personal truth. Each person must follow their own path.
If you show the people around you that you are serious about your training, some naysayers will still doubt you - and watch to see if you will quit. However, if you stick with the training long enough for it to become not just what you do but who you are, you may reap all the rewards that Budo has to offer. And maybe then, your family and friends will be the loudest ones to cheer for you as you finally earn your Black Belt.
- Todd Ryotoshi Norcross